i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
