it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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