Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
