U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
