areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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