shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
