my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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