I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
