ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
