He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
