Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
