I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
