and i looked up. we had an audience...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
