he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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