i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Boobs speak an international language.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
