My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
