Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
