Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
