I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
