You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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