maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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