Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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