I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You're like the curious george of whores
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
