I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
