Capitaan dildo arrescate!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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