Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
