Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
