Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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