I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
