I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
True strength comes from lack of pants
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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