i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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