k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
