I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
