I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
