You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
