you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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