I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
