eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
