Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
