Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Your penis caused this!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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