So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just puked most of my soul out..
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