I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
