so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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