You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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