Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
