have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How external is "for external use only"?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
