It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
