accomplished twins. life is a go
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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