Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
