sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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