Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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