Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
