No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
