just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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